Becki2006's Blog

I just thought I’d write to you as I was extremely disturbed by something that happened to me the other day.

Most people that know me know that about 6 months ago I tried to kill myself. It wasn’t really a concious decision it just happened – I took some tablets to make me relax and sleep in a bid to make what I thought was my miserable life disappear. By the time I’d decided that I was suitably “zoned out” I had take about 55 benzodiazapines and was drifting in and out of consciousness.

My husband came home for work and found me on the sofa – this was 5.30pm he then rang his mum who came round and my mum (who lives in Wigan) he then phone an ambulance (this was 7.30pm)
I was taken to hospital – to A&E where the mental health team came to see me. This is where the ignorance starts – close to home!

My mother-in-law was heard by the nurse from the mental health team saying to my husband “leave her.. You don’t have to live with someone who has a mental health problem, you’re better than that” they then left me in A&E on my own. The police brought be home where I had discovered that my husband had packed his things and moved out – but didn’t leave a note or anything.

The next day I went up to my in-laws but they refused to let me speak to my husband so I tried kicking the front door in (not my finest decision). They called the police and I was take to the station but it was decided that I needed to be in hospital.
I was in hospital for nearly 3 weeks – only once did my husband come to see me and that was to tell me that he was divorcing me because he couldn’t live with someone that is mentally ill – and that is what he put on the divorce papers.
Through his need to prove that being “mentally ill” as he calls it mad me a band and evil person, he set about slandering my character. I owned a theatre school and taught singing and he decided then to give away all of my clients details to someone else to take over my school because apparently (again according to him and no one else) I was dangerous to be around and he couldn’t guarantee the children’s safety.

I lost some of my friends, my husband and my business. But it gets better.

When I came out of hospital I got a Doctors Sick Note for 6 months which now runs out at the end of October.
I have had counselling and cognitive behaviour therapy. I am having to deal with rumours and live on an island with no family and only a few friends whilst I fight a soon to be ex husband because his Advocates have led him to believe that my “evilness” will get him everything (house, furniture, dog etc) and I will skulk away with my head in shame back to Wigan completely ruined.
As my sick certificate runs out soon I decided to start looking for a job (I don’t feel like I need to be off sick anymore and want to get on with my life). I went for a job interview at Axa for a job I had done previously. I disclosed that I had been off sick for 6 months but didn’t go into detail. A few days later I got told that I wouldn’t be proceeding to the next stage. I asked why not and was told I had lied on my application. They said I should have disclosed the fact that my “sickness” was due to mental health and therefore I legally have to disclose it. I told them it wasn’t a mental illness and I was then told that a suicide attempt is a mental illness. The mental health team that look after me have said it was a desperate attempt to something not a permanent illness and therefore I don’t have to tell anyone. I challenged Axa Isle of Man and asked where they got their information from – they refused to comment – they just said that they had information that I was dangerous to myself and potentially other people.

There is only one place that information could have come from and that is – my brother in law works at Axa IoM.

I’m not dangerous to anybody – not even myself anymore and if you met me in the street you would never even know what I have been through but the Ignorance surrounding mental illness in whatever form it takes can be detrimental to a persons future. Especially on a small island where everybody knows everybody.

I’m not feeling sorry for myself I just hope that people that read this realise what idol gossip/judgement etc can do to someone trying to rebuild their life.

I actually feel far better now. Better than I have for many years.

Xx